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Independent Business Associate, BA/2847354

UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

                                                             

Marriage is one of the greatest prides respectful and understanding couples should be delighted to make during life time. The question is, how many marriages have ever lasted longer enough till death brings separation?

According to Wikipedia, “Marriage also called Matrimony or Wedlock, is a socially or ritually recognized union between two people, also called spouses, that establishes rights and obligations between them and any resulting biological or adopted children...” No wonder Cambridge Advanced Learner’s Dictionary also described Marriage as “a legally accepted relationship between a woman and a man in which they live as husband and wife…”

Facts can be drawn from both quotations above that a happy marriage is not just something you find but something you make, and keep making continuously. Spouses who manage to stay together for two decades must have passed through ups and downs, fixed problematic situations amicably, avoided  external interference in their relationships; such a union is blessed and sealed for life.

Unhealthy relationship is absolutely undesirable since it is characterized by lack of love, respect, mutual understanding, loyalty, etc. The moment such dirty act is given a room in any matrimonial home, the chance of marriage break-up is already established. Different school of thoughts and analysts have attributed the rise in marriage break-ups to several factors. It is quite understood that the introduction of technology has its positive and negative effects in any relationship. Couples who cannot do without mobile gadgets need to understand the fact that some information of vital importance could be assessed by either of them. Unrecognized caller could also bring an uneasy situation.

Social media are of great importance when it comes to interacting with one another in sharing of information, content or other series of expressive ideas. But its pros and cons in marital life cannot be over-looked.

Money is an integral part of any relationship. However, if love is shown under the pretense of partner’s money, what if the money suddenly disappear? Money is something that could finish – it comes and goes. But true love stays and brings the joy money can’t buy. A materialistic relationship is unhealthy and it doesn’t last longer.

Unpleasant economic situation has had a devastating consequence in some homes, thereby incapacitating the husbands to unusually offer little or nothing. If the patience of the economic pains is unbearably exhausted to the point of seeking for greener pastures, a sense of doom hang over the relationship.

Forced marriage resulting from parent’s interference gives little or no chance for couple’s preferable choice. Parent’s decision on whom to marry based on family background, wealth, culture, religion, etc. have contributed in no smaller amount to marriage failure. However, parents should be respected and taken care of. They can offer their piece of advice. But this does not give them the right to barge into married life of their children.

In this competitive and technological World, keeping your relationship clean and strong is strikingly important in any blessed marriage. When necessary, couples should be able to go out and probably drink coffee and have launches together, or have other exciting fun that could positively boost their relationship. They should be able to find out what worries are keeping them up at night, and how they are feeling during the period of dazzling problems. It will be a healthy relationship if both husband and wife sincerely affirm to themselves that not only are they for each other at easy times,but during the tough ones. Meanwhile, being nice isn’t being weak. There is absolute need for both to acquaint themselves with being friendly and being firm, being compassionate and being courageous, being sincere and being strongly committed to their relationship. In addition, making the time each day in between your tight daily tasks to grow your relationship, offering your spouse a smile, a positive word, or caring gesture will definitely strengthen the relationship and keep your marriage intact.

In recapitulation, children are mostly affected in any broken home as they are poorly raised by single parent. They may not have manners enough to withstand the future challenges; hence the larger society bears the consequences. Intending couples are strongly advised to be naturally attracted to each other instead of basing their wedlock on superficial consideration like wealth, beauty, family background, whose ending will be bitterly disappointing if they no longer exist. Your relationship is yours, no one has the right to interfere in it. Not even the parents from both sides.

THE PRINCIPLE OF RECIPROCITY

The law of reciprocity is of great importance among the laws that run human relationships. It says that when you really help others, they will genuinely offer the same in return. In other words, if you touch the heart of someone; he or she may likely make you successful. Cambridge Advanced Learner’s Dictionary (Third Edition) defines reciprocity as “behavior in which two people or groups of people give each other help and advantages”, while Collins English Dictionary definition says “reciprocity is the exchange of something between people or groups of people when each person or group gives or allows something to the other”. The definitions above reveal that reciprocity works in a variety of situations. For examples in advertising and marketing, a computer user could be encouraged to purchase and upgrade his or her anti-virus program following a free trial.

Briefly, reciprocity occurs and develops in a well established and mutually understood relationship. To be frank, there is nothing wrong in couple’s commitment to home obligations whether a house maid is available or not. (One prepares the kids for school and the other sets the table for breakfast, or while one cooks, the other does the dishes). Reciprocal relationship requires a spirit of mutual understanding as well as cooperation. Both partners must be able to continue to nurture feelings of love for each other and share responsibilities. Certain people value the importance of love for a lasting relationship; while reverse is the case for some. Reciprocity will be negative when a behavior has had a negative effect on one person and he or she reciprocates with a behavior that measure up to same negative effect. In such a situation, reciprocity will be hardly effective as mutual respect which is capable of building an intimate relationship is not present.

In summary, giving starts the receiving process.  If you want more support, give more support. If you want more appreciation, give away more appreciation. If you want more respect, you need to be giving respect first. And then it will all come back to you in abundance.       

UNHEALTHY HABIT

Certain community records contain names of people who live to a great age; probably over a hundred years old. It is a fact that most of this centenarians began to care for their health early in life. They avoided endangering their lives of such habit-forming drugs that have been habitual way of lives of most young men and women nowadays. The lives of men and women who have reached the century mark have been free from excesses of all kinds. They have been temperate in passions and appetite. Kind thought and a contented mind have been dominant of their lives. They made it a practice to exercise not only their body, but also their mind by reading good stuffs and discussing important matters.

Ill-health is not only brought on by disease germs, but also caused by wrong habit. For example, wrong habit of using illicit drug (drug abuse) can cause a great damage to the health of the individual involved. Omoluwabi (1989) said “the drug abuse is confined mainly to the use of illicit drugs……” Lambo (1989) also said that drug abuse refers to “the use of a mind-altering drug to an extent that it interferes with an individual social and vocational adjustment or with his health”. Various kinds of drugs abused include alcohol, cigarette, cocaine, heroin, marijuana, tobacco, etc. These have given rise to anti-social behaviors like crime, suicide, neglect of family obligation, insanity, etc.

Alcoholism for an example may result from excessive or uncontrollable urge for its consumption over time. It is appalling that the long term effect becomes evident in all system of the body. Worse still, some at their youthful age end-up at the psychiatric hospitals becoming narcotic or psychotic patients to the detriment of their family. Drug incidence is so much on the increase that some people energize themselves with illegal drug before engaging themselves in reasonable activities. No wonder Udoh (1982) made mention that “people take drugs for socialization, relaxation, fun, experiment, sleep-inducing, medical alertness, and pain relieving”.

However, the person who drinks alcohol either lightly, moderately, or heavily always pays price for indulgence. Alcohol is a drug similar in its effect to other habit forming drug. It is a powerful poison which in man’s body is destructive to both mental and physical processes. The central nervous system is the first to feel its effects. The drinker begins to stagger and feel uncertain on his feet, his brain processes are slowed down. Memory and mental concentration are impaired. Activities involving speed are carried on with reduced efficiency. Even a small amount of alcohol lowers reaction time, that is, the ability of muscles and nerves to react quickly. This is the main reason why it is dangerous for drivers of motor vehicles or aeroplanes to involve in even a small amount of alcoholic liquor. One bottle of beer can impair the sense of distance, slows reaction, lessons judgment. When large amounts are taken, drivers become reckless to the detriment of those on board and road users.

              In summary, knowing fully well that drug abuse is a problem of rich and poor, young and old, literate and illiterate, boys and girls, every individual in every community should observe health rules and maintain total abstinence from drug abuse. Observance of health rules brings good health and perhaps long life. Disregard of health rules and unhealthy way of life brings sickness and could possibly result in early death. 

HEALTHY LIFESTYLE

Whether awake or asleep, some parts of the body are always in motion and wearing out continuously. The wear and waste need to be repaired by material found in the food we eat. Various parts of the body need some nutritious substances and energy to make their functions effective. Our bodies are always warm regardless of hot or cold weather. The heat that keeps the body warm is also derived from foodstuff. Therefore, our food-intake serves two main purposes by supplying the body with heat and energy, and material for the repair and growth of the body. “Food is for eating, and good food is to be enjoyed…” DELIA SMITH.

                There should be at least a five hours interval between meals. This gives time for the stomach to clear itself of the previous meal before other food is taken. Some people would be benefited by taking only two meals a day; if three meals are eaten, the evening meal should be lightest. The third or evening meal should consist of simple articles of food, such as fruits. In this connection, it is also important to consider the time spent in eating a meal. The rush and press of daily work or business prevent average individual from spending sufficient time to get the best results from the food eaten. If thirty minutes could be taken for a meal, better results would be seen in the utilization of food with less digestive trouble.

                According to the scientists, laboratory and practical experiences have shown that when a person eats food while under stress or strain of work and worry, the digestive process is hindered; hence, it is unwisely healthy to carry business and other troubles to the dinner table. To read and study while eating is not the best for the digestive system. Favorable conditions for eating are cheerfulness, and freedom from worry. The manner in which food is served has an effect upon the way the body handles the material. In other words, when the food is put up in a neat and appetizing form, it appeals to the appetite more keenly; and when thus stimulated, the digestive system is at its best.  

                In summary, it is imperative to have fixed times for eating, whether twice or trice per day. The evening meal should be light and not eating later than 7 p.m., as a general rule. At night, the digestive organs are tired and need rest, just as the other parts of the body also need rest. A large amount of dyspepsia (pain in the stomach or indigestion) and disorders of the digestive organs are due to the common tradition of eating late at night and then going to bed immediately after eating. Hence, health is wealth. Without health, life is derived not only of its usefulness, but also of its joys and pleasures. If the body is not in good health, one cannot go about at will; he cannot do what he would enjoy doing; he cannot eat the food he would enjoy eating.

 

LEADERSHIP IN WORK AND LIFE

I am inspired to write about the above topic not only by virtue of my work experience and relation with some people but also by the thoughtful words of great achievers and leaders like – John F. Kennedy, Nelson Mandela, Steve-Job, Bill Gate, Gandhi, Martin Luther King, JK Rowling and Larry Page.

Work is truly associated with seriousness and responsibility. Being what we do to survive, we should love doing it. If your job is to clean, develop your personal leadership on it. Your commitment on the job can make wonders and let you be a very happy person in life. Some of us can make the decision to like or not to like the work we do. My work experience revealed certain facts in reference to some people’s decision on their jobs. Some people quickly decide to quit their jobs for inconclusive reasons consequently limiting or burying the chance work offers to really discover their true potentials. To be successful in mastering the job one is doing (either personal or working for someone) will actually take time, lots of efforts and patients accompanied with ups and downs. Successful athletes, business men, workers, etc. have maintained long term focused efforts and practice on their specific jobs. Those who give up or take early exit on their jobs will blame certain situations or persons. Of course, situations or persons will always be there.

Some of us take our jobs for granted under the pretense of looking for better offer. Little do we realize that valuable justification for better offer will be required for us to be adequately remunerated. Innovating, doing your parts to make things better, taking some risk to elevate yourself and focus yourself on that leadership best; believe it- people will notice. When you are depressed with vicissitudes of life in your efforts to become a remarkable leader, do not give up. “The brave don’t run”. After all, you gradually learn to work by falling so do you lead by trying amidst all ups and downs. Just understand the fact that every misstep is an opportunity that will bring you closer to real step. So, believe in yourself when no one else believes in you by acting on good ideas that spring up in you and always take action to move forward. Nothing is more precious in work than staying consistent with your values, standing strong and protecting your good name. Untarnished name will make people run to you.

Late John F. Kennedy, former President of United State of America said “think of what you can do for your country and not what your country can do for you”. This assertion will inspire an athlete for an example, to endeavor and win an Olympic Gold medal for his or her country. When it comes to moving nearer to growth and embracing real change, do not allow your fear to discourage you. My wife won a scholarship to study abroad (at Al-Azhar University in Egypt) but found it linguistically difficult enough to cope with. When I eventually joined her, she changed the University to start afresh in another (without scholarship) where she completed her studies and successfully graduated. When the opportunity came for her to apply for a vacancy at one of the embassies in Egypt, she was fortunate enough to be the only one chosen for the job. Remember nothing good comes easy but the uneasiness is still part of the game to elevate you to your leadership best. Fear of losing what belongs to you in a real situation that requires changes will always be there. Steve-Job was fired from the company he founded. J.K. Rowling, the famous author of Harry Potter series, was not only poor and jobless, her marriage also failed after a year; and she contemplated suicide. She used her power of choice to grow from living in poverty to a multi-millionaire in five years. Larry Page is the co-founder of Google. He is one of the brains behind everyone’s knowledge of web-searching. When he had such a dream, he followed it up and turned it to reality. These great achievers will continue to be inspiring examples. Hence, if you are inspired by whatever means, do not hesitate to inspire others because somebody may take a leaf out of your book and consequently become a remarkable leader.    

                 

SELF-INDULGENCE IN ALCOHOL DRINKING AND SMOKING

     Alcohol drinking and smoking are habits formed by an individual through continuous practice of that particular behaviour of wanting to take alcohol and smoking always. This results into routing which is being reinforced and repeated. Although, it is socially acceptable in some places with little or no control measures. Certain people form the habit of drinking alcohol and smoking for number of reasons such as psychological, sociological and emotional reasons.

                                             PSYCHOLOGICAL REASON
Young and old indulge in the habit of drinking alcohol and smoking in order to relieve stress, to overcome anger, for happiness, to overcome anxiety, to escape from responsibilities and to satisfy hunger. "an individual turn to drugs such as alcohol in seeking escape from fatigue, boredom, anxiety, poverty or frustration", Turner (1979). Drinking and smoking for these purposes become habit that is difficult to quit because it deals with the mind of the individual involved.

                                            SOCIOLOGICAL REASON
Other people take to drug because of social pressure as they want to appear and become accepted by others in their social group. Dorothy and Daniel (1989) said that the taking of drugs to an extent that they cause social or medical harm to the user, is termed "drug abuse". Turner (1979) further stressed that some people are forced into taking drug such as alcohol by their association with alcohol drinker or by interest generated through inaccurate publicity about drug effect.

                                            EMOTIONAL REASON
Some individual take to drinking alcohol and smoking with the intention  of reducing certain nervous tensions and as a way of escaping mechanism from their anxieties and responsibilities of the moment. Emotional reasons such as family problem, loss of job, etc lead to unhappy condition that can result in excessive drinking of alcohol and smoking.

     In summary, it is equally important to mention the fact that parental attitudes towards alcohol drinking and smoking are the dominant influence on the adolescent decision not to drink alcohol and smoke, to drink alcohol and smoke or to over-indulge in the act of drinking alcohol and smoking. However, it should be born in mind that over-indulgence in this act could lead to social evil as in committing arson and felony with impunity or be a causative factor in the development of several serious diseases including lung cancer.